"Rise Above Self Doubt Master Self Compassion to Overcome Sabotage" by Eli Yeung:
Overcoming Self-Doubt: A Three-Step Guide to Self-Compassion
Are you constantly second-guessing your decisions or feeling like you're not good enough? You're not alone. Self-doubt can hold you back from reaching your full potential. Through my modelling journey, I've learned that we can overcome self-doubt and cultivate self-compassion.
In this blog post, I'll share a 3-step self-compassion tool that helps me overcome challenging situations when I feel self-doubt.
Self-compassion is about being kind, understanding, and gentle with ourselves, even when we make mistakes or fall short. How much warmth can we have for ourselves, especially when going through a challenging experience?
Think about how you would speak to your best friend compared to yourself. No!
As a model with scoliosis and lipoma and being introverted, I struggle with confidence at times. Also, I enjoy being creative, trying to take on new projects and pursue my passions. But every time, I wonder if I am good enough or just plain foolish for trying. Whenever I get a modelling job, I constantly compare myself to others, questioning my looks, height, frame, and masculinity. I've been my worst critic, beating myself up over perceived flaws and shortcomings.
I used to think it was just a passing thought, but it's been recurring. This kind of thinking led to self-sabotage. Fear and doubt dictated my decisions, and I couldn't give my 100%. Looking back, I know I held myself back, but I didn't realise it at the time.
I wondered why celebrities and confident people seem so self-assured. I noticed that it's almost like a switch. There are rare moments when I feel optimistic, but most of the time, I don't. I then found and read "The Charisma Myth" by Olivia Fox Cabane and learned a lot from the book. After further research, I realised that charisma is a skill that involves inner healing, having a conversation with our inner child, and re-parenting ourselves. It's about rewiring and reframing our mindset."
3 Step Self Compassion Tool
Step 1: Recognise and acknowledge that you're experiencing difficulties.
The first step to overcoming self-doubt is recognising and acknowledging that you are experiencing it. This may seem obvious, but it is a critical step often overlooked. Once you recognise that you are struggling with self-doubt, you can begin to take steps to address it.
Step 2: Respond to yourself with kindness and understanding.
The second step is to respond to yourself with kindness and understanding. When you are feeling self-doubt, it is essential to be gentle with yourself. Avoid criticising yourself or making negative comparisons. Instead, focus on being supportive and understanding.
Step 3: Be aware that what you're feeling is also experienced by many people, and you're not in this alone.
The third step is to be mindful that you are not alone in your struggles with self-doubt. Many people experience self-doubt at some point in their lives. Knowing you are not alone can be a great source of comfort and motivation.
So now, whenever I feel anxious or uneasy about myself, I will acknowledge the feeling as soon as possible rather than let it consume me.
I would question myself like a 5-year-old, with love. So, for example, I usually cannot verbalise a feeling; I know I don't feel good. So I would ask myself, why do I not feel good? Maybe I am on set as a model, and my answer would be because I'm on set with all these professional models who are amazing and so sure of themselves. I fear that I will screw up big time and disappoint everyone on set."
Then, I would use the formula below:
The formula
I understand The emotion & acknowledge it and some positive truth with self-affirmation.
How I filled it in:
I understand there is fear being felt because you're doing something really difficult. You also think that all models have a certain vibe, and you don't have that because that's how the media portrays them; that is not necessarily true. But today, you were chosen for this job because they see something great in you. You are brave and worthy, representing everyone who looks like you, which you should be proud of.
I encouraged myself just like I would a child. This helped me recognise the emotion and why it was there. I responded to it with kindness and understanding and gave myself some self-affirmation.
You can think that this emotion is not felt by you alone; when things get challenging, it's easy to think people are having an easier time. Instead, try recognising that everyone at some point has had or will have the very experience you're having now. It can help you feel like you're part of the larger human experience rather than isolated and alienated.
Additional tips for overcoming self-doubt:
Self-care list
Create a list of things you already do to show that you care for yourself when struggling.
Mediation and Hypnosis
Find some fantastic self-compassion-guided hypnosis or meditation tracks on positivity on YouTube, Apple Music or Spotify.
A journal
Jot down every nice or complimentary word someone says to you. The book will be a great mental support whenever you read it.
You can think of self-compassion as standing up to self-harm, just like how you would stand up to something threatening your loved ones. It's like the warmest hug from the biggest mama.
Don't get confused between self-compassion and self-pity.
The higher the level of self-compassion, the lower the level of self-pity. Self-compassion means acknowledging what happened to you is unfortunate, while self-pity means seeing it as unfair.
Self-compassion is not selfish or narcissistic.
As I continued to practice self-compassion, I became more resilient in the face of failure. I wasn't as hard on myself when things didn't go as planned, and I was more willing to try again. I started to see that failure wasn't a reflection of my worth but a stepping stone to my goal. I also noticed that I was more compassionate, understanding, and empathetic towards others.
Being authentic is a big deal these days, but the first step towards authenticity is to delve deep and work on yourself to lead a fulfilling and meaningful life.
I hope these tips will help you overcome self-doubt and develop self-compassion. Remember, you are not alone in this journey. With patience and perseverance, you can achieve your goals.
Feel free to leave a comment! I would love to hear your stories about how you overcame your self-doubt, what kept you back, what kept you stuck, and how you broke free!
About the author:
Eli Yeung is a model with Scoliosis and Lipoma who is overcoming self-doubt. He is passionate about helping others overcome self-doubt and cultivate self-compassion. You can follow Eli on Instagram at @oops_itseli.
Please note:Â This blog post is based on the video "Rise Above Self Doubt Master Self Compassion to Overcome Sabotage" by Eli Yeung. You can watch the video on YouTube at https://youtu.be/msDhcdJEPjw.
Source: "The Charisma Myth" by Olivia Fox Cabane
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